Who even was that person?
Jan. 22nd, 2025 10:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
itsphoebemarieNot only did I follow my friend Nix HERE, but also took the suggestion to re-activate my dusty old Flickr account as well. I paid for 2 years of pro, which gave me access to thousands of old photos I haven't seen in years, as well as a nearly complete archive of my older art (most of which I thought I had lost in a hard drive failure several years ago).
I've spent some time this morning going through the chaos over there and downloading/deleting from Flickr oodles of ridiculousness... from party and travel pics documenting the days before my social anxiety got to where it is now, to tour photos from when the old man was "on the road", to art shows/Etsy ventures/graphics from my old indie bookstore job, and my brief foray into the world of vinyl toys.
I haven't really even THOROUGHLY looked through all of these images yet, but what I saw was a whole lot of a person I barely remember being...
And not just because I've changes so much, but also because my literal memory is not what it used to be. Between the realness of "chemobrain" and the addition of treatment induced early menopause/10+ years of fighting to get my hormone replacement to where it should have been to start with, my memories of so many things are either gone entirely, or hazy at best.
I go through phases of dwelling on this fact, but it's very much been on my mind recently, as one of my dearest friends is suffering from the terrifying after-effects of encephalitis and has lost most of her memories from the last 5-10 years or more. I love this person so much, and it's truly devastating to chat with her and realize how much this took away. I long to help, to share our memories together to try to encourage those parts of her brain to recall even tiny corners of those lost chunks. She's still my amazing friend, but a lot of our history together is just fog.
Anyhow. Point here was more about the strangeness of looking through photos of years ago and realizing I have no idea who a large number of the people I GUESS used to be my friends even are... but I've downloaded anything that isn't just my artwork from that platform now and hope to clean up and organize what's left, and then start adding newer artworks, and then will privately browse through strange old memories of my former life as the Queen of Cleveland, Red Headed Party Girl Extraordinaire.
Meanwhile, I REALLY AM surprisingly excited and inspired about creating again. About making art and sharing art and just being the person I am NOW.
I've spent some time this morning going through the chaos over there and downloading/deleting from Flickr oodles of ridiculousness... from party and travel pics documenting the days before my social anxiety got to where it is now, to tour photos from when the old man was "on the road", to art shows/Etsy ventures/graphics from my old indie bookstore job, and my brief foray into the world of vinyl toys.
I haven't really even THOROUGHLY looked through all of these images yet, but what I saw was a whole lot of a person I barely remember being...
And not just because I've changes so much, but also because my literal memory is not what it used to be. Between the realness of "chemobrain" and the addition of treatment induced early menopause/10+ years of fighting to get my hormone replacement to where it should have been to start with, my memories of so many things are either gone entirely, or hazy at best.
I go through phases of dwelling on this fact, but it's very much been on my mind recently, as one of my dearest friends is suffering from the terrifying after-effects of encephalitis and has lost most of her memories from the last 5-10 years or more. I love this person so much, and it's truly devastating to chat with her and realize how much this took away. I long to help, to share our memories together to try to encourage those parts of her brain to recall even tiny corners of those lost chunks. She's still my amazing friend, but a lot of our history together is just fog.
Anyhow. Point here was more about the strangeness of looking through photos of years ago and realizing I have no idea who a large number of the people I GUESS used to be my friends even are... but I've downloaded anything that isn't just my artwork from that platform now and hope to clean up and organize what's left, and then start adding newer artworks, and then will privately browse through strange old memories of my former life as the Queen of Cleveland, Red Headed Party Girl Extraordinaire.
Meanwhile, I REALLY AM surprisingly excited and inspired about creating again. About making art and sharing art and just being the person I am NOW.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-23 10:12 pm (UTC)The friend you are helping is fortunate to have you helping her...but as you probably already know it will help YOU even more.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-24 06:58 pm (UTC)And thank you. I think that's true. Grateful for your insights!!
no subject
Date: 2025-10-06 12:47 am (UTC)